Reading Gabor Maté without blaming yourself for illness

Why the book resonates

In When the Body Says No, Gabor Maté draws attention to the circumstances of people living with physical illness. Readers who often put their own needs last may recognise parts of these accounts. Work, relationships, sleep and worries belong in a conversation about how you are doing.

Recognition is not a medical explanation, however. An account of someone who spent years caring for others and later became ill does not establish what caused the illness. People with clear boundaries, adequate sleep and good support can also become seriously ill.

Stress can matter without explaining everything

Long-term stress can be associated with physical and psychological difficulties. Understanding its role for an individual takes careful investigation. The US National Cancer Institute describes research on stress and the development of cancer as mixed. A direct causal relationship has not been established.

We therefore do not say that suppressed emotions cause cancer, autoimmune disease or fibromyalgia. That conclusion cannot be drawn from a life story, a personality description or a questionnaire. Nor is it a reason to replace medical treatment with emotional work.

Maté’s title can be read as a metaphor: fatigue or tension may bring demands on your time to your attention. The metaphor becomes less helpful when every symptom is treated as a hidden message you should have understood.

What can you explore?

Consider a situation in which you repeatedly agree to something when your diary is already full. What makes declining difficult? Fear of a reaction, a real caring responsibility and financial pressure are different circumstances. They call for more than a general instruction to put yourself first.

A practical step might be answering later, sharing a task or talking it through with someone. In an unsafe relationship, a direct conversation could carry risks. You may need protection and practical help, rather than an instruction to be braver.

You can make these choices because your daily life deserves attention. You do not have to explain an illness or earn recovery through them.

A question for your situation

Write down one commitment that was difficult this week. Next to it, note what could make it more manageable. Perhaps you need rest, help, money, clarity or a different time. Choose one request you could discuss with someone you trust.

New, persistent or worsening physical symptoms deserve a conversation with a health professional. You do not need to decide whether a symptom is physical or psychological before seeking help.

Read more

The Frequency of Happiness explores daily support, boundaries and different ways of understanding experience. You can first read the nine free chapters of Part I. The complete book is included with the course.

Sources: Gabor Maté, When the Body Says No (2003), discussed as the author’s perspective; National Cancer Institute, Stress and Cancer, for the limits of the medical claim. This article was revised on 30 September 2026.